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Happy Aloha Friday, Beloved!
I was reminded recently of a story I had seen in an E-Mail years ago about a call to a computer help-line. The story ended with the on-call technician telling the customer to carry the computer back to the store where she bought it because she was too stupid to own a computer. That’s not quite how the real conversation went down, but it was sure funny anyway. I’ve got the original post in this document (which is located here: http://www.progress.demon.co.uk/Fun/Trouble-with.html) as well as a link to the SNOPES history of the story http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperfect.asp. Just for fun, here’s a whole website of things to read.
http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_calls.shtml and http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/
I send this along to you today for two reasons. Maybe more, we’ll see.
[1] It is Friday and it’s time to have some fun
[2] This is funny
[3] When you read through these, even if you feel you’re not all that bright when it comes to computers, you’ll easily be able to see you’re NOT nearly as dumb as some of these folks! So get yourself someplace where you can laugh out loud and shout “No WAY!!” Then read through this story and check out the others.
{For those of you whose access to the Internet is blocked for some of these sites, I assure you it’s OK to forward them to your home computers and try them there.]
Here is the original post:
cyberknght@aol.com (CyberKnght) writes:
>
>When I worked as a customer service rep at the cable company, few things >frustrated me more than vague customers.
>
>”Hi. My cable’s not working right”
> […]
>”How do I tell if my TV is on channel 3?”
>
>And on and on and on and on… this kind of call was typical of my day at >the cable company
This reminds me of a call I got from a faculty member when I was computer-assisting my way through college:
“Welch Hall computer assistant; may I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
[Instant voice-recognition: I know it’s a particularly ditzy blonde French
professor with whom I have had prior dealings.]
“What sort of trouble, Dr. B?”
“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
“Went away?”
“They disappeared.”
“Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
“Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”
“How do I tell?”
[Uh-oh. Well, let’s give it a try anyway.]
“Can you see the C:\> prompt on the screen?”
“What’s a sea-prompt?”
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let’s try a different tack.]
“Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?”
“There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
[Ah–at least she knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem.
I wonder if she’s kicked out her monitor’s power plug.]
“Does your monitor have a power indicator?”
“What’s a monitor?”
“It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have
a little light that tells you when it’s on?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that?”
[sound of rustling and jostling]
[muffled] “Yes, I think so.”
“Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the
wall.”
[pause]
“Yes, it is.”
[Hmm. Well, that’s interesting. I doubt she would have accidentally turned
it off, and I don’t want to send her hunting for the power switch because
I don’t know what kind of monitor she has and it’s bound to have more than
one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]
“When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”
“No.”
“Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable.”
[rustle-rustle]
[muffled] “Okay, here it is.”
“Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of
your computer.”
[still muffled] “I can’t reach.”
“Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”
[clear again] “No.”
“Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”
“Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle–it’s because
it’s dark.”
“Dark?”
“Yes–the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming
in from the window.”
“Well, turn on the office light then.”
“I can’t.”
“No? Why not?”
“Because there’s a power outage.”
“A p–!”
[ARGH!]
This woman was good friends with my supervisor, who was also a French professor (still is, matter of fact–and in addition, she’s now also my wife), so I couldn’t deal with her the way I really wanted to, and was forced to explain sweetly and gently to her that computers needed power just like office lights, and if the office lights were out, then the computer was too, and that yes, if she hadn’t saved her work she had probably lost everything she’d done so far in WordPerfect. But I could still fantasize:
{This is the fantasy ending that really capped the story and catapulted it into the realm of truly funny stuff}
“A power outage? Aha! Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the
boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?”
“Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”
“Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was
when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
“Really? Is it that bad?”
“Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
“Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”
“Tell them you’re TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!”
[slam]
But that wouldn’t have been a very nice thing to do, now would it?
Here’s another one
• Tech Support: “Thank you for calling customer service, and how may I help you?”
• Customer: “I can’t get it to do.”
• Tech Support: “Excuse me, ma’am?”
• Customer: “I can’t get my Internet to do.”
• Tech Support: “Let’s check your setup.”
• Customer: “Okey dokey.”
• Tech Support: “Are you at your desktop?”
• Customer: “Yes.”
• Tech Support: “Do a double click on the ‘My Computer’ icon.”
• Customer: “I don’t see that one.”
• Tech Support: “What screen are you on, and what does you desktop look like?”
• Customer: “Wood.”
• Tech Support: “What’s on your screen, ma’am?”
• Customer: “A bunch of names.”
• Tech Support: “Like what?”
• Customer: “Bill, George, Larry, Jim.”
• Tech Support: “What screen are you on?”
• Customer: “I am on the one I’m on. I need to go get my daughter. She’s the computer guru of the family.”
• Tech Support: “Great, thank you.”
• April: “Hi, I’m April, and you are?”
• Tech Support: “Mike.”
• April: “Mike. Cool, dude.”
• Tech Support: “Are you at your desktop?”
• April: “You will have to excuse my mother. She’s a little dense.”
• Tech Support: “No problem.”
• April: “How old are you?”
• Tech Support: “300 years old. I’m the ‘Highlander.’ Um, would you do a double click on the ‘My Computer’ icon?”
• April: “Sorry, I don’t see that one.”
• Tech Support: “What do you see?”
• April: “Bill, George, Larry, and Jim.”
• Tech Support: “What version of Windows are you using?”
• April: “Ninety-something I guess.”
• Tech Support: “Erm. Shut down the computer and reboot.”
• April: “Ok….” (pause) “Done.”
• Tech Support: “What does your screen say?
• April: “Bill, Larry, Jim, Barbie, and Wimper.”
• Tech Support: “Just for kicks, do a double click on ‘Bill,’ and see what happens.”
• April: “What is this?”
• Tech Support: “What did it do?”
• April: “It now has little folders: modems, devices, etc.”
• Tech Support: “Why was your ‘My Computer’ icon named Bill?”
• April: “I wanted to name it something cute. Did I screw up?”
Have a great weekend. Love for, from, and with the MBN
chick
(Remember: Ignorance is treatable, but stupidity is terminal.)
